Zen Wheels...

Brake! Gas! Honk!

It happens every morning – a million locations around the world… except Perth, perhaps.

I’ve had the good fortune of avoiding Dubai’s traffic hours for a whole year. Lately, however, I’ve had a morning drive from Dubai-Sharjah-and back. I’ve been re-discovering the traffic-tricks I had once mastered.

The roads are fairly kind in the morning – my 6:00am drive. The rising sun, the voice of Adam Duritz (backed by David Bryson on the Guitar), a soft breeze of 12kph Northwest. However, the 7:30am return can numb your feet.

The first couple of days I didn’t know what to expect. When does traffic build up? Where does it all clear out? Which lane is the fastest? Wasn’t that Blue Pajero 6 cars behind me?

That was stage 1. It’s when you are just getting familiar with the road and the traffic revolving around it. You always feel the lane you picked is the slowest of the 4. Moreover, you have no idea how traffic flows – the car ahead of you always manages to surprise you when it brakes or speeds. Stage 1 is when The Experts take maximum advantage of you.

The Experts? That’s stage 2. It takes no more than a week to become an Expert. Of course, everyday brings something new, in the whole Zen-like sense of life – however, The Experts are always aware. It’s a 6th sense, they can somehow figure when the traffic cop will be around. Even if they do get caught, they usually weigh the time they’ve saved over the years against the fine they have to pay. Seems like a cheap enough deal.

Moreover, The Experts gradually learn the art of time-management. There is a little Einstein hidden in every Expert. I know if I’d leave work at exactly 7:32am (car time), I’ll miss most of the traffic and make the first two signals – provided I maintain an average speed of 83kph. 7:34am will ruin everything! The whole equation falls apart.

Although, The Experts don’t believe in anyone being ahead of them, down the line, even The Experts find a heart. Stage 3 is when an Expert doesn’t let the Black S-Class cut in front – however, looking in his rear-view mirror, even The Expert wonders, “what difference would it have made?” The Expert is now moving to stage 3 – The Expert with a Conscience.

“What difference does it make?” is the question that haunts you at stage 3. Reading or viewing a few freak accidents hits you even harder. “In order to save 10 minutes of his day, he lost 10 years of his life…” Doesn’t seem like a good deal at all.

Finally, appears stage 4: The Zen Master. Everything slows down.

The Zen Master values life, and time. You know those people you always see stuck in the extreme-left track approaching Garhoud Bridge – and you wonder, “don’t they know the slowest track will move the fastest?” While most of them are still at stage 1, some of the guys in the worst-track are Zen Masters.

The Zen Masters will drive with the Lao Tzu principle in mind – “Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” The Zen Masters are in no hurry – the world can wait for them. Nothing you do can disturb or irritate a Zen Master. They will let you cut in, they will stick to their lane unless absolutely necessary, and even on an empty road, they will drive at no more than 80-100kph.

The average driver can never beat the Zen Master, because, the Zen Master is not even interested in playing the silly traffic games.

Zen Masters are a rare breed, the rarest of the 4. However, they are the most essential for effective traffic-management. Can you imagine a world without the few stable and sensible drivers? A world where every driver knows every single trick in the book and is constantly applying them.

A secret is not a secret if shared by 6.2 billion people. The Zen Masters, although aware of the secret, are no longer interested in its content...