The Human Condition

Moonwalking...

I remember the exact moment I purchased my first Michael Jackson cassette. It was at that train market in Sharjah. I knew of MJ before that, but never bothered buying any of his music. I think I was like 10 or 11 anyways - so I don't think I personally bought any music before that.

So, I think it's fair to say that Michael Jackson's Dangerous was actually my first-ever personal music purchase decision. My sister and I were buying a New Kids on the Block album -- and I said I also wanted to buy MJ. On the drive back home I had my father play the MJ tape in the car... We had some guests with us, so my parents were talking to them as MJ played in the background as "ambience music" almost.

I had not really "heard" MJ before that. I didn't buy Dangerous because I had seen the videos or heard the music on the FM. I just knew of the existence of MJ, so... why not?

My sister was making a face with the MJ music, she felt "why are we listening to this? Put NKOTB, we both like them!"

And I think after a while we may have done that actually.

It didn't make much sense hearing that introduction to Black or White in low volume -- where the kid is playing music and his father asks him to shutup. And the kid finally says, "Eat This" and the guitar tune enters with MJ doing his typical "aaoww!"

After Dangerous I think I went and bought some 4-5 more MJ compilations. I used to sing his songs and I was actually really good back then -- until about 7th grade I was asked by some students "to sing like Michael Jackson"... Then I gradually found other artists I suppose and stopped listening to MJ so frequently, and overtime my voice became the (sexy) manly heavy bass voice that it is today... Like from Michael Jackson to Barry White...

I watched about the first hour of that documentary, "Living with Michael Jackson"... I still have to finish it today. But I wondered how I would have reacted to that documentary if he were still alive?

I wonder if a good majority of the media people and even average citizens that are saddened by the news are just feeling a little guilty?

But, I don't want to get into that... Nor do I want to say "may his soul RIP" -- I don't even know what people mean by that. I doubt people know what it means for a "soul" to rest in peace anyway... We just say "yeah yeah, umm, may MJ's soul rest in peace.... Jesus, give him a room in heaven." We're providing references to secure his spot in heaven or something. Because God will be checking his email and his Facebook and say, "Well, Michael... According to the testimonies of 4 billion people on my internet, you seem to have been a really nice guy. So, I'll let you in... but only if you show me that Moonwalk... Damn! How the fuck do you do that, son!?"

Well.... Looks like Michael Jackson is gone...

Only various images remain now...

"King of Pop", "Genius", "Dancer", "Michael Jackson", "Pervert", "Mental", "Wacko Jacko"

I decided to use an image of his chocolate bar for this post... I think I still remember the taste.

ps - One of my favourite music videos of his (and it was hard to pick one because so many of his had such amazing storylines): Leave me Alone.

Salmon Living...

I took it easy today. Didn't do much work - except for grading the exams of a few unfortunate youngsters. I spent other time playing Day of the Tentacle (re-visiting it) and Full Throttle - both classic LucasArts point and click adventure games.

While cooking dinner I switched on the TV and a documentary caught my eye. Nature docy...

It was on the "journey" of salmon... and partly on grizzlies.

So, we all know - the Salmon goes against the current, unlike that lazy fuckin' Tuna... Interesting how I used to always use the Tuna vs. Salmon example to tell a friend to go 'with the current' -- you know, in the whole spirit of Taoism and all that jazz. But the Salmon seemed no less of a Taoist than the Tuna when I watched the docy.

So, there are two broad categories of Salmon I believe, the Pacific Salmon and the Atlantic Salmon. Then you got further subcategories?

The docy was mainly on the Pacific Salmon -- which has a slightly different lifestyle than the Atlanticians. Basically, as most of us know, the Salmon goes against the current in order to finally have sex and have kids. What I didn't know is that the Pacific Salmon dies after they've finally laid their eggs... They die before the eggs hatch actually. The Pac Salmon will travel up to 2500 miles from their home stream just for that act of reproduction. Of course, the kids will then be born towards the top, swim down and then do what their parents did.

See, now as a human that whole thing seems quite pointless to me. If it were me I'd look at a nice location (towards the end of the river or higher up doesn't matter) -- make a house and just chill... For the sex I'd get married, that's good security - she has no choice now. Why must I travel for sex? And not like the travel is a walk in the park, travel against the current, be a freaking African American athlete jumping approximately 10 times my height, at risk of being eaten by a Grizzly throughout the journey... All of that for sex?

"Do you take this woman in sickness and health?"

"I do....... Because there's no fuckin' way I'm doing THAT!"

So the Pacific Salmon goes through this journey. This journey that seems, to us humans, quite a painful and pointless one (for the Salmon at least). And when it gets to the area it wants (by when it has completely changed colour due to all the hormones) the female moves a few rocks and lays her eggs as the male comes next to her and releases his sperm in the water... So there is no actual "sex" as we know it. It's more like IVF really.

And after this act of "mating" the parents go further upstream and die!? They die before the eggs hatch (The Atlantic Salmon live on, it's the Pacific ones that die). Their bodies then in shreds and pieces become a source of nutrients for their kids when they are born...

Mothers feeding children they will never see or know or even ever get to "hold close" for a second...

And in the process of this death... and what a beautiful death... A death that feeds over 130 species of animals, insects, and trees. A death that supports the life of millions. And not in the military "die for your nation and your people" sense of the word... None of that bullshit.

Just death.

So I sat back as I watched this documentary and wondered... Why did I EVER question life? Why did I ever seek 'purpose' or something other than what is? Why did I ever even think about "God" or the soul or whatever? And what did all the questioning ever get me?

As we all evolved from animals we seem to have gathered something else. We have evolved in what we call "intelligence". We understand that we don't need to travel miles and miles through an exhaustive journey just to have sex once and die... We understand life isn't about doing what our parents did ages ago and what some of our peers do... We understand that we are 'unique' -- we're special! Top of the food-chain.

But really, what "progress" has happened in our lives? Our ancestors have died over so many years playing the same game again and again. Get good grades, make enough money, go to the gym - get those sexy abs, wax your chest, do your eyebrows, curls are in fashion, get your skinny heals, get a 3000GT...! Isn't all this a struggle? Isn't this our 'against the current'?

And at the end aren't we all generally having sex and then eventually dying in a fairly pointless fashion with nothing "really" achieved?

I'll tell you what the difference is between the Pacific Salmon and the average Human...

The Salmon's objective of "sex" seems to be only about reproduction (and death) - while Humans have only starved for pleasure... Be that pleasure of sex, pleasure of companionship, pleasure of good food, pleasure of a great view... or pleasure of seeing our kids grow and then seeing their kids grow... Pleasure vs reproduction.

Pleasure with a "purpose" vs reproduction that just seems to be an act of instinct... No questions asked. No "thought" about "why this?"

I feel we have evolved, though - and evolved for the better... But... Could it be like a "what goes up, must come down?" Could it be that we have reached the top of the mountain and now, having gathered the grand view and all the knowledge, we must prepare to also go down? We must "devolve"? The drop of water that evaporated from the ocean bed and became part of a magnificent cloud must now collapse and return to the ocean once again?

Not that we live like apes necessarily, but we just live in synchronization with everything and everyone around us... We put all that imposing knowledge in the bin and just live for a change! Stop thinking about "how to live" or by "what principle to live" and just live!

We stop questioning and stop living in thoughts and constant examination of molecules and psychology and philosophy -- but just live! After all, what has the answer of any question given us over these millions of years? Another question?

(Was that another question?)

Damn this chain of stupidity -- when will it ever end!?

(*dammit!)

Here be Good, Here be Evil...

So I got a few calls from members of the immediate family last week... I mean, they call often, but last week it was a 'worry-call'... "Are you OK? Ha? You OK?" - that type.

As many know the Indians in Australia have 'recently' (apparently) undergone racial abuse. Well, to be quite honest, I think us Indians - we really are one of the most 'uncool' bunch within the international community. Our accents, dress sense, sweat glands, all that stuff -- mostly, the majority is quite 'uncool'.

But see that's the thing. The Indian community is one of the very few communities in the world that primarily focused on the inward development of mankind. Our religion, culture, it all really established a stronger focus on the spiritual awakening of the being. So we were extremely rich once upon a time - the "Golden Bird" as they called us. And we were rich because the broader community was fed religion that said, "Money is not important." So it didn't really hold as much value as it does now.

And then the English came in, saw all the gold, and said "Fuck!", and took over. They 'civilised' us... They introduced us to suits and forks and knives... and perhaps just confused us?

Have you noticed how this world we live in is really just a "white man's world"? Our concept of development and success and 'progress' is based on what primarily was established by the English. I, being an Indian, was raised to eat with my hands. Do I do that? Well, yeah mostly I do - depends on what I eat. But if I ate rice with my hands in public I assure you I'll have a few heads turn... "Barbaric Indian man!"

You seen those people who use a fork and knife for a pizza?

It's a fuckin pizza, man! Get over it!!

Sorry, I lost my temper there.

But getting back to the racism bit -- aren't we all racist?

Come on...

What you really want me to prove this to you now? You really so strongly believe that you are not racist?

Hehe, hey, you know, a South African once called me a racist... Well, implied anyways...

And I yelled in my mind - "I am racist!? I'm a fuckin Indian - YOU are a South African, and you think I am racist!!!?"

Who's ever heard of a racist Indian?

But Indians are racist too... Within India you, of course, have the South Indians and how often North Indians just say "you Malabari!" Then you have the "Jai Maharashtra" morons.

Oh, Indians are racist. But not only within India - even outside. They call the white people "Gora", mostly in an insulting tone.

But, see, if I get deep into the problem, it's not about racism at all... It's about division. It's about categories...

I was telling the love of my life yesterday about how, after having had some intensive sessions with J. Krishnamurti, I have been trying to observe myself. And I have come to realise that I cannot truly just 'observe' my being, because whatever I notice within myself I immediately categorise it as 'good' or 'bad'... I make a judgement over what I observed, which isn't observing really.

I then observe the fact that I always end up categorising everything as good or bad -- but that categorisation itself I categorise as bad...

You get it?

That chain of stupidity...

And this isn't just me - we all do it. We all categorise. You read this post (if you have gotten this far) and categorise it in your mind... "Yes, I agree" or, "Interesting thought" or, "I wonder what he looks like?"

I look hot, baby.

But it's this constant categorisation that is instilled in our being because of which we just cannot appreciate one another. The world revolves around us - each individual. And the individual has circles around him/her - each circle representing who is closest to him/her (thus, s/he will discriminate the least against the ones in the inner circle). Religion, race, education, looks, accents, lifestyle, food, knowledge... It's all based on that outer cover.

What ever happened to that stupid Moral Science class where they told me "Don't judge a book by it's cover"?

But, what books and what covers... We're all reprints anyways. Reprints of our fathers, our mothers, our religion, our race, our education... Just reprints.

I have never actually met a 'first edition' in my life.

Never.

Shh...

I have already tried 4 (if not 5) times today to have a post up...

But no... Not today... Words don't seem to express the thoughts...

But then the thoughts themselves are borrowed...

What must one do when there is no real original thought?

This will do. A sketch I did back in 2003 of a girl sitting at the Boddhidharma Tea Garden at Osho's resort in Pune... At the time I didn't do her eyes because the image itself was a bit dark around the eyes, so I know I wouldn't be able to capture a proper glimpse of them... But I am glad she's incomplete on my part with a pencil... That makes her complete...

"The word is not the thing."

- K

Where do I start, Where do I begin?

I was watching a documentary on SBS the other day, titled "Dead Tired" -- which basically asked the question, "Is lack of sleep killing you?"

It showed some of the experiments that were conducted -- some of the worst accidents that were caused as a result of sleep deprivation. The brain of a car driver shutting down for a few seconds, employees unable to analyse basic information due to a lack of sleep... Doctors and surgeons leading to deaths or injuries of patients because they worked 24hr shifts! 

"Shifts"... We are so used to conducting business 24 hours a day now, aren't we?

Like that Citi Bank slogan -- "The City Never Sleeps..."

Global economy, nation's economy, city's economy... personal accounts.

So, we have invented the kind of lives we have. In the sense, we work, we party, we earn, we compete, etc. etc. It's a man-made lifestyle, evolved as part of our societal structure. We have 'shares' and 'bank accounts' -- pieces of paper that have monetary value.

Can you imagine the tree that the paper must have originally come from? I wonder if that tree would have now felt honoured to have seen one thin sheet of its bark become a valuable asset for humanity -- or would it have laughed at the sheer stupidity of the idea?

"Really? They made a million from my left arm? Haha... really? Wow, I have 6, how rich am I?"

So we have this 'system' within which we operate. We are 'educated' -- not like the animals and trees. We have fulltime jobs, we make money, we enjoy our lives by travelling the world in planes and ships, drinking lots and lots of alcohol to celebrate 'special days' annually... We have our TV, our books, our cars, apartments with swimming pools and gyms... Gyms with treadmills - static machines on which we run...

As I am writing this I am actually laughing at the stupidity of this life. 

But the worst part is, none of us like it...?

We all hate the fact that we work overtime, we have to struggle to make ever cent we earn, and then when we go to spend it, it just disappears in no time. We have been cheated by one and other, robbed in bright day light -- and 'legally' robbed!

We sign pieces of paper to legally handover or gift our possessions to friends and families... And one day a friend becomes an enemy -- and we hate the 'so-called friend'. We argue. We are all such unique snowflakes and so, we argue. Constantly. 

We are scared. Scared that our economy is collapsing -- scared that we may be laid-off, we may lose our jobs.... Scared we may not be able to cope and maintain the 'standard of living' we currently have.... 

The car, the celebrations, the apartment, gym, swimming pool - it might all disappear if I lose just this one thing.... my job... Or, digging deeper - money.

We created the structure and we are suffering...?

And sure, you'd read this and go "hmm... We SHOULD change" -- but how? Who will accompany you? A revolution all alone? As David Bohm once said, 'It's like throwing a pebble in the ocean.' Hardly a ripple will get created.

Then what? You join that silly Zeitgeist movement? It's a good idea (as far as I understood it) -- but really, do we need the blind leading the blind again? 

How many 'revolutions' has mankind been through.. And what has ever changed? Have things gotten better? Don't think about economy -- think about 'you'... Have things gotten better for you and me?

All working like dogs. Overstuffing our brain with information, new softwares, new theories.... And for what? To remain competitive. To remain king. And eventually a day will come when someone much younger than me will throw me off my throne of power and success and achievements... And I will be shattered. 

I, as powerful and strong as an Elephant, lost an arm-wrestling match to an ant...?

Sunday morning I'm waking up...

Can't even focus on my coffee cup...

Don't even know whose bed I'm in...

Where do I start, where do I begin?

Super Chor!

Johnny Walker walkin walkin,

Old Monk is talkin talkin,

Get your blackboard chalkin chalkin

You're talkin, you're walkin.

I just love that part in this song called "Superchor" from Oye Lucky, Lucky Oye... The "rap" bits in that song are just so funny... "Ghar vich click click khel'da compootar"

Which basically means "staying home playing computer games" -- but see how dull it sounds in English!! The guy makes it sound so much cooler (and funnier) in Punjabi.

I spent a few months being a regular at my gym... I have this playlist on my MP3 player titled "Bhaag Sushi, Bhaag" - which is an Indian take on "Run Forest, Run". Superchor is one of the tracks on that list, and one of my favourites actually. 

It was all good, I was quite dedicated for a few months, and then I quit...

Technically, none of us are "gym-regulars". We all quit at some point in time, right? And then we get back to it. Then quit again. A gym-regular would be someone who stuck to it from the first day s/he started, right? I mean, that is a routine, you stick to it. Like the Australian Postal service -- no matter rain or storm, we will deliver. 

Or we could turn this around. We never 'quit' since we always come back to it?

But I can't keep up with it I think. I am putting on a bit of weight I guess -- see, now that idea itself makes me want to just go and run at the gym right now. That's the problem... 'targets'...

I have been playing indoor football/soccer (Americans and English can both be happy) on Fridays in this 'social sports league'. And I prefer that - I prefer the team sports workout I think. Why? Targets! You have an objective, a sense of purpose. You want to score a goal, make an assist, win - win - win! 

Like the Dean of my college used to say when playing doubles badminton, asking his partner to 'smash' it - "Kill! Kill!!" 

If I am running on a treadmill or even out in nature, I don't seem to have a big target I guess... I mean, sure, 'lose 2 kilos' or something if you want... but, it's not like a visible immediate target. I think that's the problem. No sense of purpose in it...

But all the Buddhas would laugh at me. They'd laugh at the fact that I am so stuck up in my mind of targets and goals and purpose that I apply to a simple a thing as running...

That's why I have always seen running and swimming as very spiritual workouts. It has great potential -- I guess, only if one knew how to tap into it. See, sometimes I just run because I can't help it. I will be walking to the bus-stop -- and I have lots of time left... but suddenly I'll start running. Might be listening to some song and walking just doesn't do it for me anymore. So run. And I am very conscious about how weird it looks that a young man, dressed in smart casuals, going to give a lecture, is running...? 

So I have to make it look like I am running to catch my bus...? I have to make it look like there is some purpose behind my running...

How stupid is that? 

And I see the stupidity of it. But my mind is so caught up in an 'external view' of my being. We have all been raised based on external views -- not internal insights. Every concept of 'self-esteem' and Maslow's hierarchy and Deepak Chopra's self-empowerment and all that jazz, it derives from the opinions and perceptions of others. Self-esteem has nothing to do with how you feel about yourself. It's about how you see other people see you, and accordingly feel about yourself... Or, it's about how other people say you should feel about yourself...

"Look at all that you have achieved man -- you should feel great about yourself!"

"Yeah, you are right, I have achieved a lot. Thanks!"

But what's the point, yeah? If you buy what I am saying here, you are basically believing in someone else's definition of how you should feel about yourself... See the trap?

Oh the tragedy of this life... The loop of stupidity...

That's why, we never really 'quit' see -- it always loops back in...