Kickin' Desires...

 Sometime around August 1997, my mom took me on this sports shopping spree at one of the main retailers in Dubai, Sun and Sands. I was just getting into my final two years in high school, and I was very passionate about my new physical education program... So, I suppose we were getting sports supplies for the start of that school year. It's strange how I remember that day. I bought a basketball, a t-shirt, shorts, a Jordan jersey (which was too big for me, and still is... but I wanted it because it had the Jordan logo on it)... And the highlight of that evening was the pair of Jumpan Jordan Pros of 1997. When I look at it now, I don't think it was the best looking shoe or something. But, it was a very special pair for me which I played in until I got into college, and then had to let go of them sometime in the year 2000 because it had completely lost it's grip on the court and had quite a bit of wear and tear.

My memory of that shoe isn't to do with a super successful basketball game I played in them -- I never had the chance to be a big contributor on my school basketball team, unfortunately. I do remember the shoes being very comfortable, but what I remember the most is that some of the 'cooler kids' in school would actually tell me 'man, those are some real cool kicks!'... I don't think I had ever had one of the 'cooler kids' comment positively on my style before. I was one of those strange cases that never fit in with the nerds nor with the cool kids, and so both those groups thought I belonged to the other's clan. My friends made fun of that shoe though, they used to call it the Jitendra shoes, because it had quite a bit of white. So my Indian friends would say 'Jumpman Jeetu'. But that didn't matter really, they were good shoes for playing basketball.

For many years I have wanted to get those shoes again. They may not be as comfortable as I remember them to be, but just the memory of it makes me want them. But, of course, it was a 1997 pair which is no longer around. Recently though, I found it on eBay, in my size. Someone stored it all these years and is now selling it brand new. It's amazing how much of the details I actually remember on that shoe and how the photos just take me back.

Around my birthday or any other special occasion where I can expect a gift from friends, I often get told that I am a difficult person to find a gift for. Mainly because I don't seem to express this "oh, gotta have it" emotion when I see certain things I suppose. The last "oh I gotta have it" emotion I remember having is when I wanted a second-hand 1993 model Mitsubishi 3000GT, back in 2001. After a few negotiations with my generous father, it became evident that I wouldn't be able to get that car. And so, I went through a few days of the Buddha mode, as I genuinely started to let go of the desire of ever having this car. And then, just like that, 2 days later my sister walked me towards the car parked under our house. But I wasn't really excited to see it. I was happy, but, my reaction wasn't the jump up in joy response my family expected. But, for the 5 odd years that I had that car, I really loved it.

I do think I realised something that day when I finally got that car. Something in me changed, perhaps. I will not say I have never desired anything since, but I've realised that the world doesn't end if I don't get what I wanted. I still want a lot of things in my life... they may not be as materialistic, but are rather more experience-based now. I would like a 1993 model 3000GT once again just to relive that feeling perhaps, but it will be almost impossible to find one now. I would like to learn free-diving and set out to the ocean again, but that seems to be perpetually postponed. I would like to just leave my mundane work-life behind and make another film or write a proper book, or just live creatively somehow... but my backpack is quite heavy, I suppose J. Or, maybe I would just like a cupboard full of those '97 Jumpman Jordans, so that I would never have to bother trying out a new shoe to see if it feels good... but... really, even if I don't have any of those things, life would be just fine.

The Tao is infinite, eternal. Why is it eternal? It was never born; thus it can never die. Why is it infinite? It has no desires for itself; thus it is present for all being.
- Lao Tzu

Now for some reason my head if playing "New Shoes" by Paolo Nutini...